When I signed up for the Peace Corps, I full well knew that I would miss out on key life events of my friends and family. Since the events were unknown when I left, I did not realize the true value of what they were. I’ve been gone nearly two years and I have missed out on weddings, engagements, births, and deaths. The closer the friendship is, the harder it is to miss. Life moves on, regardless if I’m there or not. A hard fact of life.
A few days ago, I received a wedding invitation from a dear friend of mine, Lauren. Within the first few weeks of PST, Lauren messaged me and told me that she got engaged. I was incredibly excited for her and was so happy to hear the news. Justin and I met Lauren on our very first day during our Hong Kong exchange. Lauren is from Australia and she was also an exchange student the same semester as us. Since the first day, we were inseparable. I think there were only 3 days that I did not either speak or saw Lauren the entire 6 months we lived in Hong Kong. One year after Hong Kong, Lauren spent Christmas with my family in California.
Eight years later, we still keep in touch and keep each other in the loop for any big events. So here I am, staring at her beautiful wedding invitation. I have deep sinking gut feeling in my stomach. I know that I cannot go. My first thought was, “If I was still at my old job, I would have bought my plane ticket and looking at hotels right now.” But I’m not at my old job. I am here in Georgia. If I sound a bit bitter, I am. I hate missing out on these things, but this it the price that I have to pay. These are the down moments in Peace Corps. The worst part is, this particular “down” moment has nothing to do with my service or even Georgia.
This is not the first time I felt this way. Remember how I spent Thanksgiving early with my friends on a winery? If you did not read my Thanksgiving experience, here is the post. On that Sunday morning of our departure, I woke up to a few messages on my Facebook. One of my oldest and closest friends, Nikki, got engaged. She sent me a picture of her engagement ring, with the caption, “Look what happened Rawan! :)” Then immediately after, “we tried calling you.”
My other friend, Nicole, was also sending me pictures of the surprise engagement. Yes, I have two close friends with the same name. One is Nikki and the other is Nicole- it is actually not confusing. Nicole’s caption was, “She wanted to Facetime you.” Then, the tears rolled down my eyes. My phone had died during our Thanksgiving. The engagement happened in the middle of the night in Georgia, but I was actually awake still celebrating Thanksgiving. It upset me that I could have virtually been there and I wasn’t. My Peace Corps friends were sitting next to me when I received the news, so they comforted me.
Regardless, when I got back to site, I could not help but feel immensely homesick. I laid in bed for the better half of the evening. I just kept on thinking that I would never have wanted to miss out on Nikki’s engagement. It is true that I have not lived in my “hometown” for about 6 years. Before Peace Corps, I used to make the 8-hour drive for anything important back home. If I was super homesick, I just got in my car. The only thing I could do here, in Georgia, is make popcorn and watch a sappy movie on my laptop. Not. the. same. thing. at. all.
The only thing that makes me feel better is that distance is not a test of my real friendships. I have not seen either Lauren or Nikki in years, but here we are, still friends. Missing out on life events of friends and family is hard, but at least they are still trying to include me in their lives thousands of miles away. And that, my readers, is a wonderful thing to be grateful for.